C O S E T T E B O N J O U R

The Power of Self-Esteem

4/13/2015

I was working with a client recently who was having trouble asking for a raise at work. She had worked for the company for years, the owners were friends, and she didn’t like making waves. After discussing several steps she could take such as scheduling a meeting with her boss, compiling a salary history and a few other things, we then addressed the idea of self worth. Deep inside she did feel worthy but she found it difficult to ask for what she wanted. Unless she took the first step to ask for what she wanted, nothing would change.I t was likely the owners were not even aware of her feelings or had even bothered to review her salary history.

She made an appointment for a meeting armed with a list of what she was worth.

I received an email the next day with a quote she found in the NYTimes stating,’if you don’t know your own value, someone will tell you your value, and it’ll be less than your worth.’

She had the meeting and came out with a salary increase and three bonuses!

Self esteem can only come from ourselves. the critical mind is not our mind. It is a learned behavior stemming from an ‘authority figure’ in our childhood telling us how we should think and behave. We are born whole and complete and each one of us is worthy.

Another great quote from Wayne Dyer states, ‘Don’t let anyone rent space in your head.’ I love this quote because when you realize that someone else’s opinion is jus that - their opinion - it’s very freeing. When you are honest and true

Knowing who you are is the greatest gift you can give yourself. It is in fact your birthright. Living authentically and carrying that out into the world is the greatest power there is. When you carry your self esteem with you, known your value, other will sit up and take notice. It’s as simple as that!

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Pathways to Love

3/10/2015

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A few years ago, I saw a TED talk by Jill Bolte Taylor. A neuroanatomist, she describes watching her brain and body as she experienced a stroke while in her thirties. It was fascinating, and I read her book, ‘A Stroke of Insight’ and found it to be one of the most inspiring accounts I have ever read. She describes her long recovery processs, aided by her family to regain basic reading, writing and memory skills. By experiencing the right and left brain functions separately, she felt deep appreciation for both parts of the brain and how they function together. She also was able to see patterns that were habitual that no longer served her. When a response came up that she no longer wanted, she thanked her body with appreciation for trying to protect her, but she no longer needed to function that way. Slowly, she built new neuropathways that did serve her new way of thinking and feeling. One of the things she learned from experiencing the stoke was blissful feeling generated from the right brain, a feeling of love and oneness in the universe. She greatly respected the left brain’s need to function, organize, and protect the body but some of those behaviors she no longer needed.

I have experienced bouts of anxiety in my life and have been searching for ways to decrease this feeling when it arises. Inspired by Jill Bolte Taylor’s account, I realized that many fears I have are not realistic and I certainly don’t need or want them in my life. So what to do? Begin building new neuropathways of love. Anytime fear or anxiety crop up, I can recognize my body’s need to protect me and gently tell myself that I appreciate this protection, but it is no longer needed. I can fill this anxiety with love. I am safe. In meditation, I breathe in love and breathe out love. Love fills my being with each breathe and soon there is no need for anxiety. I am Love.

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Why Meditate?

2/15/2015

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Why not?

Seriously, I think meditation is one of the most important thing we can do in our lives. Cultivating the practice brings more awareness to daily life. There are as many different styles of meditation as there are teachers. It’s a very simple practice that can be challenging to practice every day, but worth the effort.

Years ago, I went with my friend from NYC to the Omega Center in Rhinebeck, NY. I had been on the yogic path for a number of years and we both decided to attend this meditation retreat. My friend is a typical New Yorker and used to a fast thinking, fast paced lifestyle. We settled into the retreat center and headed for our morning session. The teacher was sitting in a cross legged position in the room as we quietly entered and sat down. After everyone was seated he closed his eyes. That was it. Really? This was no way to introduce a group of New Yorkers to meditation! No explanations, nothing! After a while it started raining outside. He opened his eyes and said we should go outside a do a walking meditation. My friend thought everyone looked like zombies and she wanted to get out of there. So we went antiquing!

I’m sure many people have similar stories and the idea of meditation may sound good but it goes no further. People often say they have tried meditating but they can’t stop thinking! The point is not to stop thinking, but to cultivate awareness. The point is to notice when we are thinking and then to let the thought go. We want to look at our thoughts for what they are: thoughts. They are not us, they are thoughts which are changeable. Our being is not our thoughts, we need to go beyond thoughts and connect with the greater expression of ourselves. To connect with our higher self we need to be still and silent. Only when the stillness occurs can we be graced with a greater knowing and presence that is always there. We are so busy running around that we don’t have time to notice our own true being. Connecting with this source is why we meditate. Once we have this connection, amazing things can happen. Sometimes the solution to a problem pops into my head; an answer that I was seeking. This does not come from my thinking mind but from a higher source and it feels wonderful.

By the way, years later, my NY friend went to a local TM center and has started meditating. She find it to be calming and feels better when she practices on a regular basis. She's started recommending the practice to friends to reduce stress.

The idea has become mainstream, but the actual practice not so much. Like any truism, the concept is simple. Not necessarily easy.

Just begin. If you get distracted, start again. If you go for days or weekend and haven't meditated, start again. Keep coming back. You'll be glad you did.

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Cultivating Gratitude

1/15/2015

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After my first husband Ken died, I felt alone, bereft, and hopeless. I went on with my life as if in a fog. I couldn’t understand how I was expected to function, pay bills - in short, go on as if nothing had changed. My whole world had changed. Life felt surreal and nothing made sense to me. I wasn’t happy about anything. If anyone brought up the word gratitude to me I would wonder what was there for me to be grateful about?

Unfortunately, I went along with this attitude for a few years. Most likely I seemed fine on the outside because I functioned normally. On the inside I was a mess. I thought I was on the right track. The first book I read after Ken died was the ‘Tibetan Book of the Dead’, followed by Brian Weiss’ ‘Many Lives, Many Lives’, Moody’s ‘Life after Life”, Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukov, Tuesday Lopsong Rhamsa’s books, Paramahansa Yogananda, Larry Dossey, Ken Wilbur, Alan Watts and many, many more. I had a thirst to know what happens when one dies.

I wasn’t happy. I started noticing that things were not going well in my life. I had a thyroidectomy and a complicated hysterectomy in one year along with a nasty car accident. While relating a few incidents to a friend, he looked up at the sky. I asked what he was doing and he said he was looking for the black cloud that was following me around. That really got my attention! Was I really attracting all these negative situations in my life? Here I was studying the physics of consciousness - I thought I had been moving along pretty well.

This is before the Secret came out but I had done enough reading to know about the law of attraction. I had a hard time believing that I was attracting all this negative energy. What was I to do about it?

Enter gratitude. I realized how I had been pushing the idea away. Maybe part of me wanted to wallow in my sorrow. Slowly, I began cultivating little pieces of appreciation in my daily life. I started to notice how beautiful the clouds were in the sky, the gentle breeze, the birds singing. I revisited prayers from my childhood and affirmations that resonated with me.

It's amazing how my life changed! Starting with little things that anyone can appreciate was the first step. In the morning before getting out of bed I would look around me and appreciate all the good surrounds me and what the day would bring. Each night before I went to sleep, I recounted my day and noted all the good things that had happened. I began to notice that I was happier. Happiness doesn't come to us; we cultivate happiness by seeing good things around us in our daily life. Good things start to happen to us. I saw real demonstrations of good in my life where before I saw none. There is no doubt in my mind that gratitude is the key to happiness and attracting good things in life. What you focus on, you get more of in your life. I want to be happy, so I cultivate gratitude and it works!

Try this simple exercise:

Next time to go to the store to purchase an item, look the clerk in the eye and smile. Ask how her day is going- engage in a conversation and really be interested and focused on the person right in front of you. It's amazing what you get back! When you approach someone with kindness and a smile, they can't help but respond in kind. It also makes interactions a lot more fun and interesting.

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Creativity

12/15/2014

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Creativity is the basis of my message. We are all creative beings. Each one of us has our own unique brand of creativity. My dream is that every individual becomes aware of their unique gifts and brings their gift to the world.

America is a country that needs to educate creative thinkers. We are no longer an industrial nation. Our survival in the world depends on our innovation and creativity. We need to nurture our children in the home and school, encouraging and teaching them how to best utilize their creative talents. I wholly believe that we are all born creative; it is expressed in as many ways as there are individuals. Some are painters, some are musicians, writers, poets, mathematicians, scientists, builders, architects, designers, doctors, nurses, evangelists, and the list goes on.

How we bring our unique self to the world is the key. We need to think out of the box, to reach for a new way of seeing things. What is uniquely yours? How can you push the envelope of your special gift? I’m not talking about shock value, although it can make a point about our society and our current values. Anything that opens our eyes to seeing the bigger picture and expanding our vision of what is possible is valid.

What is your vision? What do you truly desire? What are you passionate about? Answer these questions for yourself, and you will begin to formulate your unique expression. It begins with an idea, and then the feeling that you desire. Listen to your inner voice. What does it yearn to express? Can you let go of the fear of failure? Just move forward and see where it leads you. If you fail, you can start again, learning from the process. What is the cost of doing nothing? The cost is an unfulfilled life.

What stops us from creating the life we desire? Intimidation. Fear. Our critical minds kick into overtime when we begin to step out of our comfort zone and yearn for more. Nothing creative or exciting has every come from staying in our comfort zone. What are you waiting for?

Imagine yourself on your deathbed, reviewing your life. Don’t be someone that has regrets about not living the life they desired. Think about it. I want to be someone who says, I lived my dream. I am happy that I pushed myself to do the things I dreamed of doing rather than take this life for granted an do nothing.

One of the things I like to say is, ‘When you come to the fork in the road, Take It!’ Do something - don’t just stand there trying to make up your mind. Any action is better than no action at all.

A few years ago I heard the Dali Lama speak, which was a wonderful experience. He explains things in a very simple way. What I remember from his talk is that life is Holistic and we need to look at in this way. When we have a situation we need to view it holistically; wholly, see all points of view. Gather all the information. Then take action!

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Embracing Change

11/15/2014

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This is one of the most necessary and challenging opportunities we have in life.

Recently I was visiting San Francisco's academy of science museum with my sister and nephew. He hates change - so much so that when my sister got new bedroom furniture for him a couple of years ago, he couldn't sleep for a week. As much as he wanted to visit San Francisco he complained about sleeping in a different bed in a different house. My sister just got a new car and he was worried about displacing the old one. That's just for starters, but you get the idea.

On the floor of the exhibit was a quote by Darwin stating that those who survive are not the fittest or the most intelligent but the ones that are the most adaptable. I asked my nephew to read it - not making any other comment since he's 13 and needs to draw his own conclusions, but at least I could introduce him to the concept.

I think most people don't like change. It's much more comforting to deal with the known rather than the unknown. So how do we embrace something that takes us out of our comfort zone? Consider waking up each more anticipating the newness of the day ahead. What if we could set up our day getting excited about all the unknown events we are about to experience in this new day. Giving thanks for our ability to love and adapt to whatever comes our way. The Wright brothers. Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King, Steve Jobs and countless others were certainly visionaries and they showed us that thinking outside of the box, adapting and changing is what enabled them to created change that benefited the world. We don't have to change the world,but we can start with the way we think about change. We can move out of anxiety and fear to the excitement of possibly discovering something new that we would never know if we weren't able to expand our thinking. 'Change is good' is a simple catch phrase that can help us to move forward to not only accept but embrace change.

Another element to consider is that often we see change in the worst possible scenario. Why do we do this? I'll give you a recent example in my life. I am currently living in an area of hawaii with a lava flow about to come through the town. If it stays on it's current path and crosses the highway and continues onto the ocean it could effectively block off access for thousands of residents to fuel, food, goods and services. Every single person I talk with thinks that the lava will continue and doom and gloom is the only story I hear. Of course newspapers are at the forefront of the fear campaign and fuel the fire - no pun intended!

I refuse to get caught up in the doomsday predictions that surround me. Change is upon us, but what are the opportunities this change will bring? Already two new access roads have been completed. Another access road in another direction is under construction. The electric and water companies are working on ways of keeping connectivity. Our president just signed a disaster relief bill to help fund these projects and to help us remain a functioning society. All of these solutions have been sorely needed in case of just such a situation but now that 'impending disaster' is upon us all of these necessary actions are now underway. These are all great things! The truth us that we don't know the Big Picture and it is very possible that what seems to be disastrous is actually a blessing in disguise. What if this produced a way of dealing with a lava flow that is new and exciting and brings our area greater prosperity than ever before?

I am taking this opportunity to view these changes as elements of new and exciting possibilities for Pahoa. Long live Puna! I'd rather think about the possibilities for good rather than all the ways we could lose out of our way of live. Yes, change is upon us and we know not what these changes will bring, but I for one am hopeful that a bright and prosperous future is upon us.

UPDATE:

4/1/2015

The official word from the Hawaii Civil Defense is that the lava has stopped flowing in this direction (which has been towards in the eastern side of the island) and no longer poses a threat to the community. We breathe a collective sigh of relief

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Paradise

10/15/2014

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Joel and I moved to Hawaii 3 days after 9/11. We had been building the house for over a year and this was our planned moving date. I was on the phone with the airlines for hours the night before departure trying to get on our flight to Hawaii. We were the first flight leaving the east coast after 9/11. It was a bit eerie at the airport. We arrived at 5:30 a.m. Lights were dim and very few people were there. Joel had packed hie scissors in his carry on; after all,we were were moving. They took his scissors away - this was the first of strict airline security measures. People were coming from Boston to D.C. to get on this flight which went to San Francisco. San Francisco airport was also eerily quiet as we boarded our flight to Hawaii. We felt very prescient to have timed our move at this juncture. Thank goodness we were headed to the islands and leaving the insanity behind.

We had been flying back and forth every six weeks while building the house and were happy to finally be in one place. The house wasn't quite finished- the finished floor still needed to go down, but we could get settled in somewhat and begin this new adventure in our lives.

The next night we stood out on our lanai looking at the moonlit night over the ocean and sighed with happiness. We were living in paradise! I had a glass of wine and sipped it slowly as I looked at the beauty of our view. Suddenly something flew by my head and landed in my wine glass! In disbelief, I looked in the glass and saw it was a giant cockroach!!

Welcome to paradise....

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The Power of Self-Esteem

Pathways to Love

Why Meditate?

Cultivating Gratitude

Creativity

Embracing Change

Paradise

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